Mediation is a voluntary process that allows people to meet with a neutral third party and examine their situation in terms of their needs and interests. A mediator will not take sides or make decisions on your behalf, but will assist you in sharing information, identifying goals and discussing options. Mediation sessions are confidential. Any information shared in the sessions will not be disclosed to outside persons.
The Four Steps of Mediation
- Share your point of view
- Discuss your values, priorities and goals
- Generate and explore options
- Evaluate and select the best option(s)
“We are very pleased with the result of mediation and feel all have been able to work within our new boundaries as a family…Thank you for your service, your work has made a wonderful difference in our lives.” — G.J.
The Talker-Listener Card was created by Dr. James Petersen and appears on the back of Linda’s business cards. The card folds over so one side is facing the talker and the other side faces the listener. It is a handy communication tool for anyone to use.
I’m calm enough to hear
I don’t own the problem
Goals: to provide safety, to understand, to clarify
without: agreeing, disagreeing, advising, defending
I’m most bothered
I own the problem
Goals: to share my feelings, to share my thoughts
without: accusing, attacking, labeling, judging
Feel free to download and print this PDF version.
Divorce and Separation
Divorce mediation is the most common type of family mediation. The process of divorce can be very confusing to navigate without much information. The mediator can help you to understand the process.
Some resources that can be helpful are:
- Glossary of Terms – terms relating to divorce and parenting plan.
- Timeline – a guide to how the mediation process fits with the legal divorce process.
- Recommended Book List – many books on communicating with children of different age groups on divorce.
- Recommended Websites and Videos.
There are special issues for parents who are separating and their children. Because of some of these concerns, the State of Oregon requires parents to file a general or a detailed Parenting Plan when they are filing for divorce or for a custody order, and to attend a Parent Education class. Mediation is especially suited to address the issues and concerns around children and future parenting that arise when parents separate or divorce or have not lived together at all.
- Creating a Parenting Plan – A plan that addresses the schedule for a child and how the parents will make decisions about the child in the future.
- Young Children – There are special issues to consider for children under four years of age. A good set of materials for creating parenting plans for young children can be found on the Oregon Judicial Department website’s Children & Families section.
- Email Forms – These sample emails can be adapted to your family and your style, and used in communicating with the other parent in a consistent, effective and positive manner. You can also use them as printed memo forms that you hand-deliver or mail to the other parent. Each sample has a unique subject line that is designed to give the other parent a “heads up” that the email will follow a certain pattern and is communicating a certain message.
If you decide you want to try to do your own Divorce, Separation or Custody and Parenting Plan Agreement or to make changes to those agreements on your own, there are resources in Oregon to help you to complete and file the paperwork. Your best first resource for legal forms is your local county courthouse and the Oregon Judicial Department website’s Family Law section.
You can always decided to use mediation for the areas you are not able to resolve after trying to work out the details of your agreement on your own.
- Budget Form – This form will help you look at your current financial situation and plan for the future. Also available as an Excel spreadsheet file.
- Asset Checklist – This form will help you to gather the critical documents you will need to bring to mediation and share with the other person and so you can fully discuss your assets and debts.
- Holiday Checklist – This form will help you to plan for special days in making your parenting time schedule.